Home › Relationships
Relationships
Communication, intimacy, conflict and repair — grounded in relationship research rather than opinion, and written for real couples with limited time and patience.
Start here
How to talk about sex without it becoming a fight
Timing, framing and specificity do most of the work. A practical script drawn from what couples therapists actually teach in session.
Mismatched desire: what actually helps
Differing sex drives are the norm, not a defect. What the evidence says about negotiating it without resentment building on either side.
Repairing after an argument
Research on stable couples points to repair attempts, not the absence of conflict. How to make one, and how to accept one.
Browse this topic
Communication
Raising difficult subjects, listening well, and saying what you actually mean.
Intimacy & connection
Emotional and physical closeness, and what erodes it over long relationships.
Conflict & repair
Arguing productively, de-escalation, and recovering after things go badly.
Boundaries & consent
Setting limits clearly, hearing them, and why enthusiastic consent matters in long relationships too.
Life transitions
New parenthood, illness, career change and other stressors that reshape a partnership.
When to get help
What couples therapy involves, when it helps, and how to find a qualified practitioner.
Common questions
Is it normal for desire to drop after a few years together?
Yes. The intense early phase of a relationship is driven partly by novelty, and it reliably settles. That shift is expected rather than a sign the relationship is failing, though it does mean intimacy usually needs more deliberate attention than it did at the start.
How do I bring up something that has bothered me for months?
Pick a neutral time, not during or straight after an incident. Describe the specific situation and its effect on you rather than a general trait in your partner, and say what you would like instead. Specific and forward-looking requests land far better than accusations.
Does couples therapy work?
Structured approaches such as emotionally focused therapy and the Gottman method have reasonable evidence behind them, and outcomes are better when couples go earlier rather than as a last resort. It works best when both partners engage rather than one attending to have the other corrected.
What if we want different things sexually?
Differences are common. What matters is whether both people can state what they want without fear, and whether the negotiation leaves both feeling respected. Compromise that one partner experiences as coercion is not a compromise, and a sex therapist can help when talks keep stalling.